A Relationship Inventory is a good and productive way to keep yourself on track and clear about who you are in relationship with and why. It also gives you a good idea about what you need to work on within yourself in order to improve all of your relationships. It is important to remember – – – all relationships are a reflection of the relationship you are having with yourself. So, if you are having a difficult relationship with someone, get clear and check yourself. This inventory is not meant to be the end all or be all. It is offered to provide you with a deeper insight about yourself and those whom you care about so, have fun and get ready to be enlightened.

Respond to each of the following inquiries with your first, most honest answer. Keep in mind, there are no right or wrong responses.

The most positive and fulfilling relationship in my life is my relationship with . . .

In this relationship the three most powerful/positive things I feel are . . .

_______________________________ ____________________________ _____________________________

In this relationship, the most important things I receive are . . .

_______________________________ ____________________________ _____________________________

In this relationship, when I share my deepest thoughts and feelings, I feel:

_____ a. Understood and supported

_____ b. Like the person is interested but not very involved

_____ c. The person wants to either solve my problems or becomes defensive

_____ d. At this point in the relationship, I don’t open up much

I believe I understand this person’s insecurities because:

_____ a. They talk to me about them and ask for support

_____ b. They mention them without much discussion

_____ c. I can tell when they are upset even though s/he doesn’t talk about it

_____ d. I honestly don’t know what is going on with him/her most of the time

Spending time with this person is most often:

_____ a. A relaxing treat that I enjoy

_____ b. Fun when we share or do something we both enjoy

_____ c. Not as much fun as being with other people

_____ d. A mixed bag; enjoyable but tense and intense

When I have conflict with this person we:

_____ a. May blow up and get heated but then talk about it and work it out

_____ b. We rarely have conflicts, even when we disagree it just somehow works out

_____ c. There is a lot of conflict open and unstated but we don’t address it

_____ d. We used to fight and argue, now we just go along to get along

In our views on how to live (i.e. values, finances, hopes, dreams, wishes) we:

_____ a. We don’t always agree but respect each other’s differences

_____ b. Share a lot of common interests, values and views so it doesn’t create a problem

_____ c. Have very different perspectives and values but never get anywhere talking about them

_____ d. Usually disagree and one of us usually fights for control

When I share my idea and desire about myself or the world, I generally feel:

_____ a. Stimulated, respected and supported, I value their input and insight

_____ b. Like s/he listens but is more interested in his/her own thoughts and ideas

_____ c. Like I am being dismissed and not heard

_____ d. This person rarely gives me the credit I desire or deserve. S/he acts like I am stupid

I feel judged and criticized in this relationship

_____ a. Only rarely

_____ b. Occasionally

_____ c. Often

_____ d. Most of the time

I am usually the one in this relationship who does criticism and judging

_____ a. Only rarely

_____ b. Occasionally

_____ c. Often

_____ d. Most of the time

There are times when it feels I am in the relationship because I have to be, not because I want to be

_____ a. Only rarely

_____ b. Occasionally

_____ c. Often

_____ d. Most of the time

As much as I love/care about this person, there are times when I feel the relationship no longer fits either of us well

_____ a. Only rarely

_____ b. Occasionally

_____ c. Often

_____ d. Most of the time

If I could change anything about this relationship it would be:

_____ a. Me

_____ b. Them

_____ c. How we speak to each other

_____ d. Both of us





For each A response give yourself 4 points.   For each B response give yourself 3 points.

For each C response give yourself 2 points.    For each D response give yourself 1 point.

If you scored between,

35-44 You are rich in intimacy. Just a little work will pump it up, but you are in good shape. There may be a few rough spots, but you are not stuck.

30-35 You have a solid relationship. If you had a preponderance of “B’s” you are compatible ,but need a little work to deepen your connection. One or both of you are operating behind walls, so be mindful. You may be losing a few fundamentals or basics.

25-30 If your score comes from mostly “B’s” and “C’s”, you are in a workable relationship but one that lacks connection. You must open the communication channels and start doing more together.

20-25 This is a relationship in trouble. You are either very distant, sharing little intimate time or the relationship is highly volatile with a lot of unresolved conflict. It is hard to imagine you are happy. More likely you stay out of habit or fear.

15-20 Unfortunately, despite what you might tell yourself, there is very little positive energy holding the relationship together. It is extremely doubtful that you can heal/fix/mend this relationship without a deep desire or outside help.

10-15 You are in a disaster heading for a real mess. Either this is a highly psychological relationship (meaning it is all in your mind) or, one with no real connection or intimacy. You are stuck! If either of you were really to address the level of dissatisfaction in the relationship, it will probably blow up and end – – – for good.